Berate Me

I never actually dissected a frog in biology class. But I think the process is quite the staple in American media. The splayed frog, limbs out stretched and pinned in place. White lily belly sliced open and prised apart. Glistening jewels inside still wriggling and warm. The brave few revelling in the gore. Cackling in the face of the gruesome task. The more sheepish ones edging from pale to tinged green faces. The loud ones squealing and screeching like pigs, making a spectacle of their disgust and horror. 

I am this frog. I feel you rummaging through my wet organs and untangling my mess of intestines. You pull them out like a string of sausages, feeding my entrails through your hands. My arms pinned to the board are but numb. Useless. I simply gaze down at the seemingly endless bunting you pull from me. You behold your bounty in triumph and turn toward the class. A grin of satisfaction across your face, you present this slimey chain of flesh  to your audience. My blood splatters, falling from your wrist and racing down to your elbow. Pitter pattering the floor in percussive performance. 

I simply remain transfixed. Pinned in place. Mouth hanging open in awe of what I have just bore witness to. You begin to pace. Words sliding from your mouth. Each letter dripping in slime. Parading what were once my insides before your crowd of spectators.  The words you utter seem to be growing larger and larger. Each curve, curl and flick of the letters inflating. Expanding. They start to dominate the floor space. Engulfing the desks and feet and legs. Such nasty ugly words. Suffocating the room until I can barely make you out. They continue expanding , pushing my cheeks into my eyes and stifling each breath I take. 

“I know.” I break. A silent tear sliding down my cheek. And with that, a hiss of air and the slow deflation of these monstrous characters. I can breathe again. The tops of the heads of the students in front of me begin to sprout back into view. Their cackles chatter outside of their mouths, dancing and spiralling above them. Maniacal. 

The cavity in my stomach remains empty. Robbed of all organs. Examples for your show. 

- I'm sure at some point in your life, you have been in what felt like an unfair friendship. The dynamic lop-sided, unequal relationship of imbalance. The feeling that you are simply a token of amusement.

Over the summer, I had a short-lived friendship that made me feel this way. Uncomfortably sitting in the feeling of being that isolated, vulnerable teen we all were at some point. Unsure of their standing in society. I found myself falling into childlike patterns. Placing the approval of others above my own, over-indulging in the social lubricant that is of course alcohol, and becoming some caricature of myself.

I'm sure it was never intentional, but this friend entirely inspired the text above. In fact, I would argue that inspire is too lose a term. It was forced from me. A forceful expulsion of all the thoughts and feelings bubbling up within me, the same thoughts I so frequently choked down. Needless to say. this friendship was short-lived.

 I hope if anyone happens to read this and can relate even a fraction to the above, that they find the courage and strength to leave. It is never worth surrounding yourself with someone that makes you feel berated, unworthy and isolted.