a compilation of unsent letters

I love to feel things that are not there. To clutch at the slightest affection and reimagine it into romance. Inventing these fictions within the confounds of my mind, I know they are not real, so, instead of sending these letters, they simply sit lonely collecting dust. These are all the things I wish I could say to you. 

and.. a few sprinklings of the inner workings of a 16 year old's mind that i accidentally discovered while compiling these scribbles.

treacle like tar

Honey dribbles from your lips
Sticky and sweet
It drips down your chin, down onto your chest
Each kiss that we share, More and more trickles past my tongue
stands stringing across the walls of my throat

I suckled the honey from your lips
Like a babe begging for life
It’s entire life being owed to a mother’s teet

Honey dribbles from your lips
So sickly sweet

The humming of wasps flickers
Vicious vibrations rippling across my cheeks
They swarm
Flying like daggers toward me
Drowning in your nectar
Feasted upon by vermin
Drown me in your kisses
Purge me of air
Leave me to decay

dedication

I dedicate this day to you
So that should one day my life be condensed and composed into words
You shall retain your place
Forever scribed into my being

my ocean 

I want to swim in your soul .
I dream of laying in the vast, open lake and feeling your open waters hold me . I want to lay, a suspended rag doll, floating .
Carry me .
I want to shower in the falls, feeling you run down my spine . Rushing down the nape of my neck and falling down the dip in my back . The stream carving meanders into my skin , eroding patterns from my shoulder blades to my hips .

Your droplets jewel my eye lashes until my vision is blurred .
Plaster my hair to my scalp. The strands laid in swirls on my neck .
See me as I am .
Saturate me .
This intimacy. To feel you, see me . In my most pure and natural form . To feel you wash over me . Sinking down onto my chest . I want to be wrapped in your current . Bound and spiralling as I fall deeper within your ocean .

maybe if you hollowed me out, there'd be more room to fill me with good 

holy place 

I am a dilapidated church
A home of worship
Abandoned
For my god could not hear my crys
Until he answers me
My pews will be left dusted
Candles unlit
Hymns unsung
Until my faith returns home

safe space 

Let me rest in the folds of your heart
Each diastole rocking me to sleep
I want your flowing blood to blanket me
Keeping me warm as I rest

how was your day?

How was your day today ?
Did you squint at the sun ? Did you peer through parted fingers held to the sky ?
I wonder if you wore sunglasses
Did you laugh at jokes you didn’t find funny ? Did you tell awful jokes ? Did you watch people laugh and study the lines of their face ?
Do you even remember ? Was today a blur for you ?
Did you wander somewhere new ? Did you discover a new passage ? Did you see cracks in the pavement and see crumbling curbs ?
Did you hear your name in the whispers of the wind ? Did you turn your head to respond ? Did your hair fly around in a delayed following ? Did you know your curls create a halo around you ?
Did you feel my love today ? Did you know that I care ?
I tried something new today . I wonder whether youd like it .
Did you learn something new today ?
I wonder if you would let me bombard you with all these questions if you were here .
I wonder if my brain screamed loud enough whether you would hear it .
I wonder if you heard my brain whether you would leave me again .
I wonder if you heard my brain whether you would understand me .
I wonder if you heard my brain whether you would see me as I see myself .
How was your day today ?

attention ptt ii

i wrote about you today. in selfish vanity i posted it on my site. someone asked me who it was about. i lied. i am too ashmed to ever admit how much i crave someone who doesn't notice my existence. instead i shall worship you in private, pray in the confounds of my mind to my false idol. my golden cow i call god.

if you knew how i loved. if you knew how ferociously i adore , knew my merciless devotion . maybe you would want me around . let me stroke your ego. i will serve you . i will love you . 

the blue ego

I paint my brain pink in effort to cushion your ego
Stains of blue making you uncomfortable
Clever little girl

16 year old floss incoming:

the ocean and her lover

Waves vast and deep mixed from shades of cerulean and azure
The artist dances their brush over the canvas
Long bony hands , white at the knuckles
Clutching onto the brush
The sea so mystic and solitary
Powers unrecognised by mere bystanders
The artist furiously painting over past attempts again and again
Fuelled with an obsession
Lead by ambition
Each and every sea break
Foam creating psychedelic patterns
The glint of the sun watching her lover grow tiresome and disgruntled
The artist remains statuary
Flailing arms racing to match each tone and hue
As the sun falls through the sky
Drowning in clouds
The sea reins her terrain
Bitter . Cold . Ruthless .
She swarms the beaches , emancipated from manacles of kindness
Tearing through the pale grainy sheet of land
Attacking the artist
Dragging them down to the murky depths
Their body now a new addition
Another ship wreck

the train to college 

The whir of the train
running along the tracks
The jolting the rocking
carrying you away
The jostle of each
and every
person
Flying
to their new destination
Each solitary but unified in the click clack of the tracks
The steady rhythm
The rocking and swaying

boyf to be

My lungs are weary while yours are pink
You fanaticise a future I know never will be
I’ve torn away at myself beyond repair
But each day a new smear of lipstick
To continue this character you believe me to be
Days of torture cling with me
Leaning against my bones
Creaking with each step
I wish I could fulfil these daydreams
But I am a sinking ship
You just haven’t noticed the water yet .
Would it be kinder to discourage you from drowning with me ?
Or to hold you through the waves while I slowly ebb away .
Becoming nothing but sea-foam
Running with the waves
A distant memory of forgotten days

pure 

I need to scream
Eradicate my lungs of air
Watch my face turn crimson , turn lavender , turn deathly white
White is pure
White is without mistakes
White is clean . Imaculete
Cleanse me of sins

if you made it this far, know that you are loved. have a good day :)

feel free to leave a comment and rating... just saying ;p